Something to Write Home About

• “The Pixie Duster

We return to the Pixie Duster. For those who haven’t read my covering of them in earlier posts, Pixie Dusters are Disney fans and cast members who believe everything Disney does is magical. The company can do no wrong. These kinds of fans, though, usually have the mentality of a ten year old. These aren’t the Disney fans who would enjoy a few drinks around World Showcase or party at House of Blues in Downtown Disney, these are the fans who live and breathe Magic Kingdom and think that Belle is the best Disney character because they have the same color hair. They are also very uneducated Disney fans. They know the princesses, they know Peter Pan, Lion King, and Stitch, but they aren’t going to know anything about Walt himself or even lesser known Disney films such as The Black Cauldron. This is a majority of the people on the program, so don’t expect to have any detailed conversations with many people about park history, nightlife, or the cult classic Disney films.

• The Disney Fuhrer

There is always that one person at every location who takes their job of parking strollers way too seriously. Not only do they follow every rule in the book, but they are strict about you following them too. Even though they aren’t a manager, they will enforce Disney’s procedures as if they are being paid manager pay and not minimum wage.

• The Workaholic

The Workaholic is exactly what you think, it’s someone who just came down to Disney to work. This person will take every shift they can take, and will always be working no matter what time of day you ask them what they’re up to. The real question is, if you just came down here to work, why did you pick to work for the company that pays you minimum wage. Even Universal pays more… why not go there?

• The One Who Never Works

And now for the polar opposite of the workaholic. No matter where you work, you’ll know the person who never shows up. Disney, however, has a lot of opportunity to give away shifts and leave early by getting an ER (or Early Release). Once you get to work you can easily apply for an ER, and depending on your work area, you will probably be approved to finish your shift early if you desire. You can even try for ADOs (Approved Days Off), and if they are overstaffed, you get to go home before your shift even starts with no points on your record card at all. Because of these options, Disney makes it easy for you to barely work if you’d rather enjoy your program than work yourself to death. And of course, some people take it to the extreme and find a way to barely work during their program without it affecting their record card.

• Older Guy

Every program has at least one. There is always that cast member in their 40s-60s who you never fathomed would be a CP. That is until someone mentions that they are rooming with a 57 year old in Vista. We all know a lot of older people attend college, but you didn’t think of them applying to the College Program, did you? So just keep that in mind when you’re thinking of not picking your roommate before hand. You just moved out of your parents place to live with someone else’s parent.

• The Alcoholic

He drinks, he parties, he still hasn’t been to the parks yet. We all know him. Let’s continue.

• Sweatpants

A lot of my CP friends have sweatpants for roommates. Sweatpants are people who come all the way to the program but don’t tend to do anything with it. They will just go to work, come home, cook themselves a meal, and watch TV. No park hopping, no partying, nothing. Makes you wonder why they applied. All they’re doing here really is… existing.

• Little Miss Daddy Issues

You thought you’ve met some crazies in your day? Everything else was just practice, cause you’re in the College Program now. I don’t know what it is about the College Program that brings this classic mold in by the busload, but girls with self esteem issues to the point where it might be a borderline personality disorder inhabit the DCP like ducks in Duckburg. No one needs attention like girls in the program, and you’re going to realize that quickly. I’ve heard countless tales of girls in the program initiating conversations with guys for days just to get their compliment and flirt quota in for the week in before they finally happen to bring up their boyfriend or have no intention of meeting in person, girls who fish on Facebook for compliments in the DCP Facebook group and through statuses, girls who make up stories about being mistaken for a princess at work by several guests that day, and just an infinite well of stories that put anything I’ve ever experienced in college and high school to shame. Two quick anecdotes on the subject to give you an idea: A friend of mine has been getting sexts and naked photos of a DCP girl, in conversations she initiated, for a week. He invited her to meet up to get the response “I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate that.” I guess he appreciated the pictures of her stripping out of her Frontierland costume though. They still text. And one more anecdote on the subject: One CP I’ve heard of from several people is very well known around the parks. She added every CP on Facebook she could find, before even arriving to the program, and started conversations with most of them about how she is asexual but needs to find a man who can change that and make her enjoy kissing and sex again. Of course, a hoard of men started flirting with her and giving her the attention she apparently needed. Of course, she got here and was no longer asexual and refused to meet with any of the guys who consoled her through her ‘difficult times’, but now randomly texts those same guys and asks how their mornings are or just texts a picture of herself with no text, just to feel good when they reply ask her if they can finally meet up with her.

• The Single One in the Relationship

This is the person you will hook up with a few times until you realize they have a significant other back home. A lot of people come to the program with people back home waiting for them, but a lot of those people think the program doesn’t count too. You would never know that they aren’t single from the way they spend their program. I’ve met way more CPs in unfaithful long distance relationships than faithful ones. It’s actually a well known saying: “Everyone is single on the DCP.”

• The Promoter

You may have already seen this person in the Facebook group before you even get here. This is the person who posts way too much. They can’t wait to get down here and they want you to know it. Every wave of CPs has a few people like this, who everyone in the program knows from Facebook alone. When they get to the program, they will post hundreds of pictures of them hanging out with their clique of friends to make sure you know how much ‘fun’ they are all having, as forced as it looks. If these people are mildly attractive (I’m stressing mildly from what I’ve seen), these people will start promoting for the Party Bus guys on the Facebook group and will be spamming their future events all over the Facebook group. You’ll see them selling tickets for the buses every night and will be in every promotional party bus picture. You’ll be tired of seeing their faces soon enough.

• The Lonely Heart

This person is single, which is a very big inconvenience to them. A lot of people come to the DCP to find their Prince Charming or Jessica Rabbit, but a lot of the time that doesn’t work out as planned. It’s a shame because a lot of people dream of that when fantasizing what their DCP will be like. Some people just enjoy the rest of their program, but some people will post in the group or rant for hours about how they are going to be alone forever and how there are no cute straight guys or single girls here. Little do they consider that they are leaving in a few months anyway.

• Who Wants to go to the Parks? Guy

You’ll see this guy all over the Facebook group and blowing up your phone soon enough. Every day he’s off he is going to ask if who else is free and wants to hit up the parks. You’ll slowly realize that it’s always the same handful of people asking and you’ll wonder why that handful just doesn’t go to the parks together and stop bothering everyone else.

• The International

When a new international CP arrives in your work location, everyone is going to be obsessed for the first few weeks. Even though there’s a whole World Showcase of international cast members at all times, that one Australian at your location is going to be everyone’s ‘shot at a foreigner’ for reasons unknown. Give it a few weeks and they’ll lose their shine and be as unexotic as someone from Ohio.

• That Guy Who Got Termed the First Week

There’s always that one person from your building or Traditions class who you never see around anymore. What ever happened to that guy?

• The Roomie

There’s going to be someone you meet in the program who you will rarely see because of ‘the roomies’. You were supposed to hang out? His or her roomie wants to hang out though. So wanna reschedule for tomorrow? It’s movie night with the roomies though. How about Tuesday? They’re going to the park with the roomies that day. Can you come? One of the roomies got dumped so it’s going to be a roomie day.

• The Princess

There princesses are… interesting to say the least. Physically, they are usually the most attractive CPs. You can probably already tell from their pictures on Facebook if they are going to be a princess or not, but just wait until they start working. You’d think they really were royalty. I know a few of them and usually just bite my tongue to be kept among an attractive entourage. The typical snootiness you’d expect, but with a hint of delusion. I’ve even seen a handful refer to themselves daily as the princess they portray. Another anecdote: I’ve heard of a girl getting on a crowded DCP bus and actually saying “I don’t believe people’s manners these days. I’m Tinkerbell, no one is going to offer their seat?” to which my ‘lowly’ custodial friend responded “We thought you had wings.” She wasn’t even a princess, so you can just imagine how they are.

• The Princess Wannabe

Before auditions to be cast as a princess in the parks, many girls have the confidence that they will be the next Bell or Ariel. You can’t talk to a group of female CPs without at least one of them saying that people always have told her that she could be Belle in Disney World and how she is going to audition and get it. Some of them have no doubt that its going to happen. But as soon as audition hits, and reality sinks in, that’s when the paradigm shifts completely. And what a show it is. It starts off as an exhibit of sheer confidence and fantasy. Then, they all go into a room, and one by one, every CP who said they are going to be the next Belle or Ariel for the past six months is reconvening with their friends stating that they don’t need Disney’s approval and how they are ready to finish their program and go home anyway. The worst I’ve seen was the well known ‘Mermaid Girl’. A few years ago, a CP would refer to herself as a mermaid and said she was the real Princess Ariel, which is weird enough. But it reaches the next level when she actually had a custom made fin and would swim in the pool with a huge green fin like it’s nothing out of the ordinary. I’m sorry, but someone who lays out and tans while their legs wrapped in green scales should not be allowed to serve food or operate an attraction.

• The Entertainment Outcast

The entertainment outcast just wants to be in entertainment. They do not care if it’s a character performer or a parade dancer, they just want in. They socialize only with entertainment cast members and character attendants, and probably know more about the job than the people who work it. You can’t really talk to them for more than ten minutes without a parade or story about their character friend at work being brought up. They are usually going to every audition possible, so you won’t really see much of them during the day unless it’s in the park on the curb dancing in sync with the parade dancers duringevery parade. As if an entertainment manager is going to see them dancing from a distance and approach them with “Wow, you know all the moves to Move It, Shake It, Celebrate It. I have an extra costume in my trunk, can you start today?”

• The Facebook Friend You Never Met

If you’re about to start your DCP, then you’ve probably made a few friends in the Facebook group. You also probably have intentions of meeting all of them in person eventually. Yeah, at least one of them is going to be really sketchy and decide to avoid you once you both actually get there. Eventually you’ll just give up on trying and randomly bump into them as a guest weeks later while they’re working and both awkwardly pretend you don’t recognize each other.

• The Sassy Gay Cast Member

As you know, 95% of the men in the program are gay. And while not all gay guys are the same, there is one type of gay guy who stands out and is found in abundance.  In every group of friends, every location, and almost everywhere you look, a sassy gay cast member will be sassing someone. S.G.C.s have the condescending and self righteous personality you’d expect. They act as if Disney World would fall apart if they weren’t here to make your day magical, and you’re gonna get sassed out if you disagree. To give you an idea, I once overheard a S.G.C., who was a character attendant, ranting to a guest about how some guests think they are entitled to meet the characters, and how the guests need to learn that when Gabriel says “no Dole Whips in the Tinkerbell queue”, then that means “no Dole Whips in the Tinkerbell queue.” You could see the guests’ eyes roll from the back of the line.”